Excitement, Excitement, Terror
Between me and David I am the more cautious one. Every relationship has some element of this dynamic. He blazes ahead and then sleeps soundly. I stay up all night worrying about details. This castle is no different. I decided I would be open about the behind the scenes emotions and failures. I am a relationship research and a professor that studies what helps and what hurts relationships. So this project makes me nervous for many reasons. However, it also gives me happy vibes regularly.
I feel so peaceful in rural Scotland. We first visited Edinburgh back in 1995 and I remember falling in love back then. We've been back many a time since and what we love the most is the relaxed, no-nonsense people. A close second is the misty lochs and green land.
We just left to go back to the States and right before we got on the plane a wonderful young woman stayed a few minutes past closing to give me some tartan carpet samples so I could ponder on them for the next few weeks. Gillian was her name at Stevens and Graham in Glasgow. She is a kind soul.
We also met our neighbor Paul and he and his wife Andrea were really welcoming (and Paul has taken some fun drone footage of the castle from the loch side--stay tuned). Laura the manager at Knockderry House was so kind and helpful as we clamored in and out going to and fro from the hotel to the castle.
Those are the excitements this week.
The terror came as we faced the reality of where we are starting. We stood down on the road in front of the castle and looked up and it felt daunting. It looked like a dismal haunted castle, not the joyful family castle that I know it can be. The architects were bluntly realistic as they always are and I am always grateful for that. But a weight settled in and I realized it was time to be real. Like in any relationship, it's not always exciting, sometimes it is just simply hard work. I can love my husband and really not like him some days as well. If you're honest you've felt that too. I'm sure this is how my relationship with this castle will be. But we belong to each other now.